Resources
Finding a Therapist Who Clicks: A Guide
U.S.-Specific tips and tools to navigate the process
There are many possible starting points when seeking a mental healthcare provider of any kind.
Health Insurance Provider Directory: If you have commercial health insurance coverage, begin with your health insurance company’s provider directory on their website, phone app, or member services number on the back of your card to reduce your cost.
Psychology Today is another common starting point. If a provider doesn’t have their own business site, they are likely to have a profile on Psychology Today.
Liberatory Wellness Network, founded by Patricia Duggan is a unique and valuable resource, particularly if you belong to a historically marginalized community, are seeking alternatives to Western approaches, and/or do not have health insurance coverage. LWN’s site includes additional resources for financial assistance, mutual aid, and warmlines.1
Geek Therapeutics “[integrates] Geek Culture into Therapeutic Practice,” offering individual, family, and group therapy led by “Certified Geek Therapists, Therapeutic Game Masters, and Problematic Gaming Specialists.” Geek Therapeutics offers certifications for therapists, and their group therapy services include Dungeons & Dragons groups.
The Gay Therapy Center2 matches LGBTQIA+ clients with LGBTQIA+ therapists and offers free consultations. This organization specializes in Gender Therapy, Polyamorous Therapy, and Kink Therapy, among others, because “Therapy is one place you don’t want to have to educate someone about the basic aspects of your sexuality.”3 Amen to that!
If none of these directories entice you, a simple Google search returns a long list of other directories from a variety of organizations.
For LGBTQIA+ mental health support, try a local LGBTQIA+ center, if available, or perform a quick search on your nearest large health system homepage for an LGBTQIA+ care coordination program.
Filter, filter, filter.
Always filter for providers who are accepting new patients. If you don’t find a provider who seems suitable, try removing that filter and calling or emailing providers that appeal to you. It is very possible that some information is out of date.
Filters in these directories usually include, among others:
Specialty, i.e., ADHD, depression, trauma
Populations served, i.e., adults, children, LGBTQ+
Gender
Language
Ethnicity
Telehealth or in-office services
These filters are just the basics. There’s more to finding a therapist who is right for you.
To increase my odds of finding a compatible therapist, I look for key phrases in a provider’s profile.
Green flags
Sex-positive, Kink Allied
Transgender
Open Relationships Non-Monogamy
Whether my identity or yours lines up with any of these phrases is not the point. If the provider does not say that they specialize in religious trauma, these words indicate to me that this provider is open and accepting, i.e., non-judgmental. You may have other key phrases you would like to include or winnow out, but I recommend including “sex-positive” if you or your partner(s) were raised in purity culture.
The LWN directory offers a filter for qualities like:
Anti-capitalist
Neurodivergent Affirming
Harm Reduction
Fat Liberation
Leaving religious fundamentalism and learning how complicit you and your former community have been in societal harm can be hard to hold. These filters can connect you with support from a therapist who is anti-racist, anti-colonialism, and anti-genocide, for example.4
Red flag
Christian counseling
This phrase is an immediate no for me. Even if I believed in God, that term prompts a second check of the provider’s credentials, educational background, and therapy modality.
Yellow flag
Spirituality
Spirituality is a broad term. A provider might use “spirituality” to veil Christian counseling or they could be merely open to the practice that works for their client. More research is needed to judge compatibility.
There are many ways to practice therapy, or modalities.
If you’re new to therapy, you may naturally fall into one of the most common modalities, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). However, it may not be the most effective for you.
On the provider’s profile, look for their preferred modality, or the way they perform therapy. There are many modalities, though they won’t all be available in every location. I’ve had good results with:
Check out Verywell Mind for a detailed list of modalities. As a writer, bibliotherapy caught my eye. A new calling, perhaps?
Affordability is the number one reason people do not seek mental healthcare, including therapy. If you are un- or underinsured, cost can be a significant barrier. How can you remove or reduce the barrier?
Reduced fees and alternative payments: Some therapists have a reduced fee or sliding scale for cash pay services. LWN, for example, allows filtering for payment type, including reduced fees, pro-bono, and bartering. When in doubt, you can reach out to LWN providers directly.
Telehealth: Expand your search to include virtual therapy if you haven’t already. It may be less expensive if you need to pay cash. Health insurance requires you to see a therapist who is licensed in your home state, but some therapists are licensed in multiple states and can provide care from across the country.
Group therapy: Group therapy is often more affordable, and therapists are getting creative, as you can see at Geek Therapeutics. Have you ever tried to talk to a young adult about depression? My kids don’t like to make eye contact when they feel vulnerable,6 so they talk nonstop during car rides. Creative group therapy can mimic that preference for low eye contact or keeping hands busy during sessions.
Check out Psychology Today to filter for Support Groups.
LGBTQIA+ Centers: LGBTQIA+ Centers, if available, often offer valuable mental health resources at reduced rates or sliding scales. Your local center may have therapists on staff, offer small group therapy, or connect you with a compatible, affordable therapist in your area.
Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs): If you work at a medium-to-large sized company, they may offer therapy or coaching sessions through an employee assistance program. An EAP isn’t my favorite channel for therapy, but I have used it in the past. Free visits are capped, depending on your company’s choices. You may have twelve free visits or only six. The program may also cover your immediate family members.
If you are covered by health insurance, your plan should have some mental healthcare benefits.7
Commercial health insurance: Check your plan’s benefits through the plan’s website, app, or by calling the member service number on the back of your card.
Government Programs
Medicaid is “the single largest payer for mental health services in the United States and… increasingly… substance use disorder services.”8 Currently, the Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act requires mental health and substance use disorder coverage “to be no more restrictive than the coverage… generally available for medical/surgical conditions.”9
If you are covered by Medicaid, a Behavioral Health Organization might manage your mental health and substance use disorder benefits depending on your state. Contact your plan’s member services or your care manager for details.
Medicare also provides mental healthcare coverage for beneficiaries, with details provided here.
Accessibility tips aren’t in my wheelhouse. I’ve been fortunate to not to have limitations to the extent that I require specific aids or accommodations for scheduling or attending therapy—yet.
Instead, I’ll direct you to this article, which is much more thorough than I could ever be.
You CAN break up with your therapist! An ethical therapist does not want you to spend money on care that is not working.
Finding a compatible, effective, and affordable therapist can be like finding a “needle in a needle stack.”10 If you think your provider doesn’t understand or is unable to meet your needs, it’s okay to never go back!
Breakups are hard; I get it. In my experience with therapists, it’s best to rip the Band-Aid off quickly instead of grudgingly spending money I can’t afford.
Your therapist will appreciate a straightforward approach, too!
This is a lot of information. I hope it’s helpful if you’re struggling to find therapeutic care or are entirely new to the process. It feels overwhelming to begin, but as the saying goes, “How do you eat an elephant?”
One bite at a time.
If you are new to this term, a warmline is a support line that pledges not to involve police. This is an effort to reduce harm caused by law enforcement to people in a mental health crisis, which includes an extreme high risk of fatal shootings. Tragically, well checks have especially high rates of fatal shootings by law enforcement.
While their services are appealing, The Gay Therapy Center is an expensive option.
Anti-genocide should be the default, not something we need to filter for!
I imagine IFS as real life Inside Out. It can feel silly in the moment, but by the end of my time with my IFS therapist, I felt closer to an integrated adult than a scared, angry sixteen-year-old.
Does anyone?!
See “Parity,” below.
Parity in mental health services. The current administration is fighting some Biden-era enforcements as of this writing, 7/15/20205.
Quote from Patterson, played by Ashley Johnson, in Season 2 of Blindspot (Netflix).